No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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