I am midnight drunk by noon
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize