Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
