Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
