I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
