you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
