my vag is so smooth its legendary
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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