he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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