Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
