thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
