i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
