The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
