Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
