If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
