My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
