The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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