Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
