Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
