I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
