my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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