I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
