I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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