Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
