One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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