I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
