As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
