you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
