Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have fence marks all over my body
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize