i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
