and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
