drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
