It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
