College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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