After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
