OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
