two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
