Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
