well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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