I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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