Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
