woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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