im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
