he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Panties = found
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