He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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