do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You are a genius and a whore.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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