I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
