that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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