Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
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