I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize