i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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