oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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