If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
