Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
