So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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