I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
All the doctor said was why
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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