Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
