Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Your penis caused this!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
