I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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