I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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