i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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