Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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