he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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