What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
