I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
