Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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