Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
