Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
