What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
