WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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