There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
