She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So much rum. So many feels.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
