You made me cry and you don't even care
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
