she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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