I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
