thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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